I've been feeling a lot of anxiety lately. Oh, there are the obvious things - the looming deadline, the endless winter, the kids being sick, work, all the other commitments. But there's been something else, something that's really been weighing on my spirit. I just couldn't figure out what it was.
On Saturday, I went to a writer's workshop where we were asked to list, for ten minutes, any and all questions that popped into our heads. We then wrote on one of our questions for ten minutes.
My question, of course, was "Why am I feeling so anxious?" And I think I got my answer.
I've been spending the better part of my life engrossed in intellectual pursuits. I like to read, to write, to ponder. That was how I always defined myself, how I evaluated my worth - by the thinking I did. As I entered parenthood, I thought things could continue that way. If I read all the right books, had the right ideas, I would be a good parent.
What I found, though, was that I was spending a lot of time asking my kids to wait while I was thinking, reading, and researching about parenting. How the irony escaped me I don't know, but there it was - I was spending so much time thinking about parenting that I wasn't actually doing as much parenting as I would like.
I've decided to get out of my head and into my life - or to take a step towards that goal, at least. I'll be leaving this blog behind and moving on to a new one, more in line with my new goals for myself and my vision for my family. Ahimsa Mama will be more about what the day-to-day of Humane Parenting looks like, and less about lofty philosophizing about it. Sometimes there will be big issues to discuss, but mostly I am going to set the goal of sharing how I am trying to do it instead of how I think about it.
Check it out, please.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Busy, busy...
Just wanted to let you know that I will be taking a couple weeks off from blogging. Well, actually from almost everything that does not directly relate to family chores and schoolwork. I have a big deadline coming up for my thesis and need to focus on that instead of this....so I'll be back around the end of March. Enjoy the coming of spring!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Living My Eulogy?
Zoe Weil, co-founder and President of the Institute for Humane Education, recently came out with her new book, Most Good, Least Harm: A Simple Principle for a Better World and Meaningful Life. I've been following her posts on her blog and hope to get her out to my neck of the woods for a lecture during her East Coast tour. I haven't read the book yet, but the idea is that she outlines seven principles that help us to lead a more compassionate life. The first one is Live Your Epitaph.
I've been thinking about that one from the perspective of a parent. Of course, I hope that my legacy will be as a person who made a difference, who was compassionate and respectful of other humans, other species, and the planet. But as much as that, or maybe more so, I have high hopes for what my kids will say about me when they're all grown up. I realize that kids have their own ideas, their own baggage, that colors their perceptions of their parents and how well we did our jobs. There is good and bad to everything - for example, I want to be home with my kids and have made professional sacrifices to do so because I think that having a stable, loving and devoted caregiver is important for young children. But in doing so have I sent my daughter the message that a woman's place is at home? Have I sent my son the message that men work and women keep house?
So, what is my goal after all? What do I want my kids to say about me when I'm gone? I don't know, but I think it's something like this:
"She was an active, motivated and intelligent women who had many interests and tirelessly worked to make the world a better place. But even when she was busy doing all these things, we always knew we were the most important things in her life, and her true motivation for everything she did. No matter how busy she was, she always had time to kiss our boo-boos, talk to us about our feelings, and sit with us to watch the sun rise."
I've been thinking about that one from the perspective of a parent. Of course, I hope that my legacy will be as a person who made a difference, who was compassionate and respectful of other humans, other species, and the planet. But as much as that, or maybe more so, I have high hopes for what my kids will say about me when they're all grown up. I realize that kids have their own ideas, their own baggage, that colors their perceptions of their parents and how well we did our jobs. There is good and bad to everything - for example, I want to be home with my kids and have made professional sacrifices to do so because I think that having a stable, loving and devoted caregiver is important for young children. But in doing so have I sent my daughter the message that a woman's place is at home? Have I sent my son the message that men work and women keep house?
So, what is my goal after all? What do I want my kids to say about me when I'm gone? I don't know, but I think it's something like this:
"She was an active, motivated and intelligent women who had many interests and tirelessly worked to make the world a better place. But even when she was busy doing all these things, we always knew we were the most important things in her life, and her true motivation for everything she did. No matter how busy she was, she always had time to kiss our boo-boos, talk to us about our feelings, and sit with us to watch the sun rise."
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
More About TV?
Okay, give me a break - I've been stuck in the house with two sick kids for the better part of two weeks. TWO WEEKS! There isn't much else to do besides watch TV.
Last week, when I was suffering the throes of the nasty virus that is working it's way around our family, I couldn't sleep. There wasn't much on so I flipped to the Current network (co-founded by former Vice President Al Gore) to see the Target Women Super Special with Sarah Haskins.
Now THIS is television!
The premise of the show (or the segment she does on infoMania, of which this particular show was a compilation) is that she spoofs advertising aimed at women a-la AdBusters. Segments include Target Women: Chocolate, Online Dating, Diets, Jewelry, Cars, Disney, and more. You can watch them on their website - it is laugh out loud funny. Check it out.
Last week, when I was suffering the throes of the nasty virus that is working it's way around our family, I couldn't sleep. There wasn't much on so I flipped to the Current network (co-founded by former Vice President Al Gore) to see the Target Women Super Special with Sarah Haskins.
Now THIS is television!
The premise of the show (or the segment she does on infoMania, of which this particular show was a compilation) is that she spoofs advertising aimed at women a-la AdBusters. Segments include Target Women: Chocolate, Online Dating, Diets, Jewelry, Cars, Disney, and more. You can watch them on their website - it is laugh out loud funny. Check it out.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Okay, so now that the TV thing is out there....
One of my favorite children's television shows is Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales for Every Child, on HBO Family. I LOVE the "Rip Van Winkle" episode (a shout out to my Fairy God Mentor, Valerie!). It's a show about modern/multicultural spins on classic fairy tales, narrated by Robert Guillome.
The other morning, I saw that they were going to be airing the "Three Little Pigs" episode, which was supposed to be a feminist twist on the well-known story. I was looking forward to it.
Egad, was I ever surprised! The premise of the story is that three pigs were sent to Camp Piggywood to get fat and dirty, because that's how pigs are supposed to be, after all.
Okay. I get that it was supposed to be a spoof on camps where women go to get thin and massaged. Women don't need to be a size 2 or wear expensive perfume to be attractive and worthwhile, and they don't need beautiful jewels, and they don't need to eat to feel good about themselves.
I don't know, but something about the idea of comparing weight-conscious women to pigs seemed distasteful, to both the pigs and the women. First of all, pigs aren't filthy and they're not really fat. On the other hand, the irony of comparing women to pigs is likely to be well over the heads of most children, given the common pejorative use of the term in the vernacular.
I am sure the Women as Meat subtext was either explicitly intended or at least considered. The image-obsessed, gullible pig-women in the story who were waiting to be devoured by the slick and wily Wolf(gang).....part of me sees some animal rights subtext there, and part of me has this visceral reaction to the idea that even if this were the case, that there was a pro-pig message somewhere, few people watching were likely to catch it. I found myself thinking about a talk I saw some years ago by Carol Adams (author of The Sexual Politics of Meat) and wondering what her reaction would have been if she had been sitting in my living room.
Maybe I'm overthinking the whole thing, but really, that's what I like about this show. It gives me the chance to think about children's television. I think that's kind of the point. In the end, I'm not really sure why I had such a negative reaction to this particular plot line, and I will concede that I didn't even watch the resolution because I found it so bothersome.
One of my favorite children's television shows is Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales for Every Child, on HBO Family. I LOVE the "Rip Van Winkle" episode (a shout out to my Fairy God Mentor, Valerie!). It's a show about modern/multicultural spins on classic fairy tales, narrated by Robert Guillome.
The other morning, I saw that they were going to be airing the "Three Little Pigs" episode, which was supposed to be a feminist twist on the well-known story. I was looking forward to it.
Egad, was I ever surprised! The premise of the story is that three pigs were sent to Camp Piggywood to get fat and dirty, because that's how pigs are supposed to be, after all.
Okay. I get that it was supposed to be a spoof on camps where women go to get thin and massaged. Women don't need to be a size 2 or wear expensive perfume to be attractive and worthwhile, and they don't need beautiful jewels, and they don't need to eat to feel good about themselves.
I don't know, but something about the idea of comparing weight-conscious women to pigs seemed distasteful, to both the pigs and the women. First of all, pigs aren't filthy and they're not really fat. On the other hand, the irony of comparing women to pigs is likely to be well over the heads of most children, given the common pejorative use of the term in the vernacular.
I am sure the Women as Meat subtext was either explicitly intended or at least considered. The image-obsessed, gullible pig-women in the story who were waiting to be devoured by the slick and wily Wolf(gang).....part of me sees some animal rights subtext there, and part of me has this visceral reaction to the idea that even if this were the case, that there was a pro-pig message somewhere, few people watching were likely to catch it. I found myself thinking about a talk I saw some years ago by Carol Adams (author of The Sexual Politics of Meat) and wondering what her reaction would have been if she had been sitting in my living room.
Maybe I'm overthinking the whole thing, but really, that's what I like about this show. It gives me the chance to think about children's television. I think that's kind of the point. In the end, I'm not really sure why I had such a negative reaction to this particular plot line, and I will concede that I didn't even watch the resolution because I found it so bothersome.
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